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Title: The Curious Sealand
Author: Icelilly
Genre: Comedy
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: All 5 Nordics + Sealand. Mentions of America, Estonia, Latvia, Russia and Belarus. Contains SuFin.
Warnings: Pure crack. Contains sex talk. Minor slash, violence and language.
Disclaimer: Hetalia isn't mine. But this fic is.
Summary: Sweden and Finland recently returned from a trip to Hawaii and
invited the other Nordics for a get-together. Meanwhile, Sealand is determined
to find the meaning of a word he just learned. But why won't anyone tell him what it means?

It was a bright and sunny day in the Swedish-Finnish household. Sweden and Finland recently came back from a trip to Hawaii. They're not quite sure how America talked them into going to the island state during the last world meeting, but if it meant getting away for two weeks, alone, together, and without Sealand and Denmark, it was a golden opportunity that Sweden couldn't pass up. He loved his son dearly but there were days he just wanted some alone time with his "wife".

While they were away, Iceland and Norway took care of Hanatamago while Sealand stayed with Estonia and Latvia. They tried to get him to stay with England but Sealand refused to go anywhere near him. Finland brought up the possibility of letting him stay with Denmark but that brought out the monster in Sweden, terrifying the Finn to no end. There was no way in hell he was going to let his son stay with that Danish bastard for two whole weeks. In the end, they decided to send him to Estonia's where Latvia was currently staying for the time being. They were a bit worried sending Sealand there because of Russia but with Belarus out on the prowl these days, there was a pretty good chance he wasn't going to be leaving his house anytime soon.

Today, Finland wanted to invite the other Nordics over for a quick get-together and show them the pictures they took in Hawaii. Denmark, Norway and Iceland were in the kitchen. Denmark was being his usual loud self while Norway and Iceland were together at the kitchen table; Norway drinking his sixth cup of coffee and Iceland eating some of Finland's salmiakki as he shared some with Mr. Puffin. Sweden and Finland were in the living room digging through bags of stuff looking for the photos. Finland could of sworn they were in hiding in the bags filled with souvenirs but he just couldn't find them.

"Sve, have you been able to find the photographs?" The Finn asked but only received a frustrated grunt from the tall Swede.

While they continued to search, the two of them could hear the sounds of their son coming down the stairs, humming a tune. Sealand popped into the living room with a smile bright enough to light the whole room.

"Ah, Sealand! You wouldn't happen to know where the vacation photos are do you?" Finland asked. Sealand paused for a moment to think but couldn't come up with an answer. "Oh dear, I was afraid of that," Finland said in a worried tone. But the Finn quickly changed his attitude and put on a smile on his face.

"Sealand, the other Nordics are in the kitchen. Why don't you go and say hello to everyone?"

Sealand's face lit up and nodded. He loved it when the other Nordics came to visit. They were like his extended family. They were like his uncles. He liked Denmark the best; who he sometimes affectionally called him "Uncle Denny". Sweden wished his son had better taste but Finland rationalized with him. Denmark may not always be the best role model but if something ever goes wrong Norway will be there to put him in his place. That was a guarantee.

Before Sealand went to the kitchen, he quickly reminded himself the point of him coming downstairs. He learned a new word! Well, sort of. He had heard the word a few times before hand but had no idea what it meant. He looked around the house for an English dictionary but couldn't find one. He was only able to find his father's Swedish to Finnish dictionary and his Finnish phrase book. Instead of getting worked up about his failures, he decided just go and ask his parents about it. They would know! After all, it is where he learned the word from. And they happen to use it quite a lot.

"Oh, I forgot! Mama, can I ask you a question?" Sealand asked. Finland cringed slightly. He still had difficulty accepting his role as "the mother". He was a man damn it! But he put it past him and smiled back at his son.

"Can it wait? Your father and I are pretty busy at the moment. Maybe you can ask one of the other Nordics? I'm sure they can help!"

Sealand's eyes lit up. Brilliant idea! He could ask one of his uncles for help. Uncle Denmark would know! He knew everything. But if he couldn't help, there was always Uncle Norway and Uncle Iceland. Surely someone would know!

He ran out of the living room and went straight for the kitchen, yelling out a loud hello to the other Nordics. Norway and Iceland unenthusiastically said hello back. Denmark, who was at the kitchen counter serving himself a cup of coffee, excitedly said hello back. He opened his arms out for a hug and Sealand accepted his hug in a heartbeat.

"Sealand! How's my favourite nephew doing?"

Sealand smiled, "Good! Hey guess what? I learned a new word! But… I don't know what it means. Maybe you can help me?"

Denmark's eyes lit up at his request, "Of course!! I'd be more than happy to help! You're very wise coming to your Uncle Denny. I can help you with anything and everything! Unlike that crazy Swede you call "Papa,"…" He smirked. Norway rolled his eyes at that statement. Sweden, however, heard that from the living room and his eyes lit up in flames.

"I heard that you Danish bastard!!" He yelled.

"Sve!! Not when Sealand's in the house!!" Finland yelled. Sweden calmed down a bit but he was still bitter towards the Dane. He's going to have a little talk with him later.

"So what's the word that you need help with?" Denmark asked.

"Do you know what the word 'masturbate' means?"

At that moment, everything went quiet. Norway spat out his coffee all over Iceland's face. Sweden and Finland, who were in the next room, were speechless. Finland buried his face into his hands. He was beginning to regret not answering Sealand's question earlier. Denmark looked down at his nephew and was unsure what to say.

"…What?"

"Do you know what the word 'masturbate' means? I couldn't sleep one night so I went downstairs to ask for a story. On my way down, I could hear the two of them talking and Papa said something about how he loved watching Mama masturbate. What is that exactly? Is that like some sort of activity? Like cooking or washing the car?"

Denmark hesitated. He knew if he said one wrong word, Norway or Sweden (or worse, both) would come after him. He paused for a moment to think about what to say to the young child.

"Er… how do I explain this? I guess you could call it an activity but a private one. You can do this particular… activity alone but sometimes couples partake in this together. You see when Mummy and Daddy love one another, they sometimes do certain things toget-

Denmark was suddenly cut off as Norway kicked him into the near-by fridge; head first before landing onto the ground. He rubbed the top of his head as a large bump was quickly forming.

"Norway!! What was that for?" Denmark whined. Norway stared down at him and pressed his foot down on Denmark's head to make sure it would rub on the cold title floor.

"That's not for you to tell. That kind of talk should only be told by his parents. And last time I checked, you're not his father. Actually, even if you were his father, I'd still wouldn't let you tell him that kind of talk. You're the last person I'd want giving out that kind of information."

Norway continued pressing down on Denmark's head as Sealand looked on. He didn't understand what was going on. Why won't anyone tell him what the word means? It is that bad? Among the chaos that unfolded, no one had taken notice that Iceland had left. Any longer he felt he would of lost his sanity. As for Sweden and Finland, the two were grateful for what Norway had done. They were going to need to thank him later. And have a long talk with Sealand.
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December 2012

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